we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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