She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
