you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
