My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
