Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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