I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
please don't ironically join a cult
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