the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
