Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm experimenting with sincerity
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
