I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
