My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
