All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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