dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Every concussion has its silver lining
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
