you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
