he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
