If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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