Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
