I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
it's like iHOP with fire
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
