I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
