No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
