so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
