i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
