About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
