I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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