Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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