What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The Olympian is in my bed
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
