bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
