Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
