R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
