We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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