Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
