Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The power of my boobs compel you
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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