i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We were destined to go to rehab together
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize