It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
