My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
