marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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