Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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