I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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