i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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