You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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