look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
