I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
