So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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