When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
A+ Viking dick
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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