would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
