How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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