I'm jealous of your bromance
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize
