I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
