Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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