I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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