Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
