So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
