forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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