Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
