dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
