if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
