You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
