How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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