Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
