And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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