I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
