Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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