I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize