somebody snuck up and got me drunk
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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