Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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