i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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