You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Randomize
