Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
