Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
