I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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