im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
